The Fake Lore of Motherhood

Let's talk about the indoctrination of marriage and children as accomplishments. Congratulations, you signed a contract and split some cells with a guy you met on Tinder last year. A real hero's journey.

Research shows, that the true purpose of marriage is a transfer of power and wealth. Not love. Not destiny. A transfer of power and wealth, dressed up in white lace so nobody has to look at it directly. Women who think the ring is a symbol of love are welcome to that belief, the diamond industry certainly thanks you for it. And the women who think a baby is their "legacy"? Cute. Have you actually looked at your family tree, or just the parts that make good Instagram captions? Any mental illness in there? Any uncle nobody's allowed to sit next to at Thanksgiving? No? Congratulations, you're the exception. Everyone else maybe confront that before you hit procreate.

I've spent years telling women to live in their truth, which is a fancy way of saying, stop reciting your mother's greatest hits. Listen to the real stories instead- the regret, the shame, the domestic violence nobody puts in the baby announcement. You want to know how a society really feels about women? Don't ask the society. Look at its women. Are they thriving, or are they just really good at pretending? Do they know what love and consideration is, or has love quietly been redefined as "how many children can this woman produce before her body gives out"?

I bring this up not because I enjoy being the villain at brunch, but because somebody has to say the quiet part out loud: not having children is also a great accomplishment. It means you didn't need a tiny human to validate your existence to people who, weren't going to remember your name at the funeral anyway.

At my salon, hundreds of women show up every month and we talk about things that would make your pastor faint. And one thing keeps coming up: motherhood is not the nonstop glow-up it's marketed as. So here's a fun diagnostic question:

Are you planning for a baby because you actually want one, or because your partner treats condoms like a personal insult? Those are two very different pregnancies.

Here's a wild concept. What if women only had children when they actually wanted them? No mother-in-law's opinion. No friend group peer pressure. No sorority sister who "just knows you'd make such a good mom." Just….. the woman, wanting a child, on her own terms. Try that experiment and watch the birth rate do something very interesting.

Lock in, i’m cooking with grease here.Think about how many women and children are assaulted, exploited, or simply born into poverty and starvation because someone somewhere didn't have access to contraception. That's not "God's plan." That's a logistics failure with a baby attached. It was never her idea. It was just the outcome nobody prepared for.

This blog won't reach everyone. It doesn't need to. It needs to reach the one woman scrolling at 2 a.m. wondering why she feels guilty for not wanting what she's “supposed” to want. So here's your homework: if you're having a child because it feels like the right thing to do, or because your husband's been asking since the wedding, strip away every ounce of pressure and ask yourself honestly, would you still choose this? If the answer is no, wrap it up. He's going to do what he's going to do regardless of how many favors you perform or how many Sunday dinners you sit through with his bald headed mother. I said what I said ! That was never the transaction that was going to keep him faithful.

I'll keep talking about the things that make people tense, because comfort was never the goal, honesty was. You get a voice through me, whether the life you're living was your idea or something you inherited without ever agreeing to it. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't overthink it. I already did that part for you.

BLOG | AUGUST 2026

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